ALL REVIEWS OUT OF 4 MONKEYS:
8. King Kong Lives- This sequel to the '76 remake is, quite frankly, one of the worst giant monster movies ever made. It is brain numbingly stupid and lame.
If you have ever wanted to see romance between two giant apes, this is the monkey turd for you!
After, falling off the World Trade Center, Kong somehow fucking survived. He has been in a coma for a decade. Linda Hamilton plays the doc who gives him a giant robot heart. He also gets a transfusion from the blood of a lady Kong, who he falls in love with. And, the evil and very stupid military want him dead.
King Kong gets bloody and fucked up, in this one.
Humans, especially evil ones, are yummy and nutritious!
1/2 a MONKEY
7. King Kong Vs. Godzilla- A return to the monster mashes of Universal Pictures of yore like, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf-Man, this is a decent enough flick, even if does not deliver as much of the goods as you may want it to.
Kong tries to get the King of the Monsters to eat his veggies.
The first color appearance of both beasts, the Big-G plays the baddie, with Kong as the hero. He's made much bigger here, to be able to battle Godzilla. They meet once earlier in the film, but the real battle is at the film's climax. And, it is pretty damn awesome! Too bad the rest of it somewhat of a snooze and the Kong suit is kinda lame.
6. King Kong (1976)- The '76 version is sometimes unjustly maligned. Honestly, it's pretty decent. It is just wholly uneven. Some of the FX are terrible, others are awesome. The acting ranges from crap to good. One wishes Kong would fight more monsters, but he does have a rousing and bloody fight with a giant snake. Speaking of bloody, Kong's demise is righteously gory and actually emotional.
Man, that giant snake gets fucked up!
Probably the bloodiest of all the Kong deaths.
Jessica Lange is, arguably, the most beautiful of all of Kong's love interests. Sadly, this is her worst performance, ever. I don't know if this is really on the bright side, but she got kicked out of another boat cause she wouldn't watch Deep Throat with them. Maybe she wasn't a Linda Lovelace fan? Speaking of sexual stuff, she shows off more skin than any of the other Kong babes and is overall, a more sexual flicks than the other ones. That just adds to the humor and fun, I feel. And, the overall weird/ WTF feel to it all.
Kong has excellent tastes in ladies!
2 1/2 MONKEYS
5. King Kong Escapes- The second and last Toho Kong flick, has him battling Mechani-Kong, his evil robot double. Thanks to a better pace than the King Kong Vs. Godzilla, I find this one more enjoyable. It is sometimes over looked. But, with a decent Universal Blu-ray release from a few years ago. It really shouldn't be.
4. Son of Kong- Unlike the darker and more serious original, this one is pretty far from being a horror movie. It ain't great as that classic, but there is a certain charm to it.
3. King Kong (2005)- From a technical standpoint, Peter Jackson's take on Kong is superior than the movies up and until this point, on the list. Well, expect for some of the CGI, as it some is great (the battle with the T-Rexes is wild!), others not so much (that brontosaurs stampede sucks!).
The cast is pretty good, especially memorable is the beautiful Naomi Watts. Her relationship with Kong is touching. It is also clear that Jackson loves the original. Dead Alive fans will love the monkey reference in this movie. But... it is waaaaaay too long (the fact that there is a longer cut is insane!). And, some of the movie hasn't aged that well. I never feel like revisting this one, as it is never as great as it was on that first viewing in the movies.
3 MONKEYS (4 if you see it for the first time, in the movies)
2. Kong: Skull Island- Is this a better movie than Jackson's flick? No. But, it is more fun, and I can see myself watching this one a lot when I get it on Blu-ray. It's also more fun than the last American Godzilla flick (which I did like, BTW). The only real problem I have is that human characters suck. They are not very interesting. But, you will wanna see the bad ones die.
Don't, even of Kong doesn't love in that way, I do!
1. King Kong (1933)- Well, you knew this one would top the list. It is a fucking given, as this one of the greatest movies ever made. The FX still hold up. Rotten Tomatoes has it ranked as the greatest horror movie of all time.
4 MONKEYS! (of course!)
Your rankings may well be different than mine. Let me know in the comments below, if they are! Or let me know if you totally agree with me.