9/14/2015

Horror Crush: Kristy Swanson

 
Today's horror crush was one of my biggest as a kid/ teen, it's the stunning blonde beauty that is Kristy Swanson!

Swanson was born on Dec. 19, 1969 (making her 45) in Mission Viejo, Cali. She began acting on various TV shows, including Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Now I probably did see, I just don't remember, her in that episode, as I used to watch that show as a kid, but it's her debut movie where I first fell in love with her: Deadly Friend!

I discussed Deadly Friend a bit in my recent tribute to it's director, the late and great Wes Craven. I actually revisited it very recently, as I just got it on DVD (part of Warner Bro's Twisted Terror Collection). I been thinking about talking about this one a little more. Would you guys like to see me do that? If you guys request me to do so, I definitely will. If I don't hear from you guys, well who the fuck knows, if I will do it. Regardless, I immediately fell in love with the beautiful Ms. Kristy Swanson with this film. She is PERFECT as the girl next door (or, as I like to say, the girl I fucking WISHED had lived next door to me!).

Say what you will about the movie, itself, she is good in it. She's very likable. And, you care for her and her whole ordeal with falling for this nice genius boy who just moved next door and her abusive dad. Daddy ultimately causes her to lose her life, but she comes back when her boyfriend brings her back to life with a robot chip. So, now she is a hot girl next door zombie with a robot brain (let that sink in for a bit...). The image of her doing the "robot" through the rest of the remain film is pretty fucking funny (unintentional, I presume), but she does what she can with what she has. Besides, she kills the mean old lady neighbor in one of the coolest, wildest, most awesome, imaginative, and deliciously splattery deaths ever!   

Her next genre film is an adaptation of V.C. Andrews bestseller Flowers in the Attic. I saw this one as a kid as well, not to much after seeing Deadly Friend. Now, back in those days everyone was seemingly reading this book and those in the series. I never had but "hey it's got Kristy and it's horror so I am in!" is what I thought. Again, I liked it but... As I soon discovered, the movie was sadly missing the more salacious aspects of the book. It wanted to be a safe PG13 flick (an early example of the balls being taking out of horror to sell it to kids...). Wes Craven was originally attached but was dumped in order to keep"safe". A shame, he definitely would've made a movie that doesn't feel like a fucking made for TV flick. I have no clue, what I would think of this movie today, as I ain't seen it in ages. However, I always remember Swanson looking gorgeous and being excellent in her role, as the sister of a group of siblings locked up their mega-bitch and twisted mom.
Swanson would make one final return to the genre in the shitty horror/ comedy Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I saw this one in the movies, cause of her. That being said, I had a feeling it would be a turd. And, is it ever! Never really funny and certainly not scary, it's a prime example of how horror/ comedies are often, hard to do well. Paul Rubens is terribly annoying and Luke Perry is, well, Luke Perry. Which is too say he is an old dude playing a teen and sucking hard at it. This godawful excrement of a flick was a chore to watch, but again, Swanson is good in it. She has some solid delivery in her lines and looks AMAZING here. Seeing her in a cheerleader outfit is, quite, yummy. But, in the end the best thing I can say about this flick (other than Swanson, of course) is it inspired it's amazing spin-off show, which is one of the greatest TV shows of all time, horror or otherwise.
Kristy Swanson didn't star in the greatest horror films, but they are all memorable in some way or another, for better or worse. And, there is no denying that she set the hearts of many a young horror fans a flutter. as such, she will always be one of the most memorable horror teen crushes of all time. One more thing of note, she never got nude in any of her horror roles, but she would bear it all for Playboy in 2002. And, we were all very thankful for her doing it!

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