1/10/2014

The 2nd Annual Master Gio Awards

It's time for me to play tribute to best and shit on the worst of last year. 2013 certainly had it's fair share of shit and sunshine. Since, I already cover the hottest babes and best music, and will be doing the best movies, this list focuses on everything else. As with last time, I'll start with crap first, and save the best for last. Anyway, read on and let me know your thoughts.

The Bad Shit of 2013

Worst Movie of the Year- Dead Before Dawn- Right off the bat, we start with this painfully stupid and not funny at all supposed horror-comedy. I would have had more fun, getting the roller featured in the poster shoved up my ass, than watching this filth! You can read more of my thoughts when I reviewed it for work, and man did watching this ever feel like work!





Worst Album of the Year- Megadeth- Super Collider- Oh dear God this album was just terrible. I ain't sure if it's worse than Risk, but it's close to being so. Their last album Thirteen was crappy, but this one is so much worse! And, they are threatening a new album soon! No! Take a break. A LONG fucking break!






Most Disappointing Album of the Year- Bullet for My Valentine- Temper, Temper- Different from the above cause while this one sucks, I'm not sure it sucks as much (but to be honest we would be comparing horse shit to camel shit). But, being this a band that kept doing an album that was better than the last, you expected more. But, instead we got a boring, weak, watered down, lazy, and generic album. Zzzzzzz.





Most Disappointing TV Show of the Year- Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D- Man, remember when you were all pumped for this and then you saw it and were like what the fuck?! While, not awful, it is most definitely not very good. The fact is the best episodes of this show are just OK. The mid-season finale was good, but only the last 10 minutes. The rest of it was forgettable. And, then when it came back this week, I found myself not giving a flying fuck what happened onscreen. The series is full of terribly generic characters, plays it safe, and is lazy, and weak. I'm shocked that I am still watching it, to be honest!

The Kick Ass Stuff of 2013

The Hottest Ass- Dani Daniels- She is one of the best performers in the industry, period. That butt of hers is like a gift from the heavens! And, I look forward to seeing more of it this year!




Best Boobs (Clothed)- Anna Silk- Lost Girl's gorgeous Anna Silk has amazing cleavage that shows off in skimpy outfits or barely covered sex scenes, many of which involve other girls. Swoon!!








Best Boobs (Unclothed)- Teal Conrad- One of the hottest new stars in the biz, this natural beauty has a real nice rack, that I can look at all day and night. Bless her and her chest!









Porn Studio of the Year- Sweetheart Video- Last year I delcared lesbian movies to be the best trend of the year in porn. This year, I decided to figured out which studio is my favorite of those making this kind of skin-flick. It wasn't easy, but I decided on going with Sweetheart Video. If you follow this blog, I've previewed A LOT of their films, and they are just so amazingly hot, that it was hard not to go with them!





Breakthrough Performance in a Horror Film- Jemma Dallender- She really had a tough role to play in such a nasty film as I Spit on Your Grave 2 is. She gives weight and credibility and, thus makes the gut punch that much stronger.




Best Nude Scene in a Movie- Rachel Korine in Spring Breakers- Man, this chick was nude, had sex with lots of guys, messed around with other girls (always a selling point to me!), and just looked HOT doing so!!






Best Gore Overall in a Movie- Evil Dead- Hands down the bloodiest big studio film of the year and one of the bloodiest studio releases ever, if not the bloodiest!! The self arm-amputation, the chainsawing in half, nailgun action, and more, this one hits a 10 on the splatter scale and then some!

Blu-Ray Release of the Year- Maniac Cop 2- I been demanding this superior, kick ass sequel to hit DVD, and then blu-ray, for ages. It finally did and in a pristine transfer with gorgeous colors and kick ass sound, plus a ton of extra-features. Matt Cordell rules and you do have the right to remain silent forever... again! But, this disc should NEVER be silenced!





TV Show of the Year- American Horror Story: Coven- A HUGE improvement over the wretched last season, this one has witches, gore, zombies, threesomes with zombies, incest, sex with minotaurs, and a ton of other shocking shit! Plus, it's fun, smart, and well acted. Their best season yet, and one of the finest ever in horror TV!

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