6/30/2012

EVIL BONG

Title: Evil Bong
Director: Charles Band
Writer: August White
Cast: David Weidoff, John Patrick Jordan, Mitch Eakins, Brian Lloyd, Robin Sydney, Kristyn Green, Tommy Chong
Year: 2006
Min: 86 min.

Nerdy and straight-laced Alistair (David Weidoff) answers an add for a roommate and soon shacks up three stoners. One of them orders a bong sold in an add. When it gets to their apt, its huge and looks like a chick. Unbeknownst to them, its cursed. Anytime they take a big hit, they get transported to a hallucinogenic stripper world, where gorgeous chicks dance topless. But, these sexy bitches are under the control of the evil bong, who use them to kill each of those who enter the fantasy realm. Each death bring her closer to ruling the world under smoke. But, when she takes the cute blonde, Janet (Kristyn Green), Al most go in and save her.
OK, let's be honest here, this Band/ Full Moon horror/ comedy is pretty stupid, but it is fun! And pretty funny, at time, anyway. Do you need to smoke to enjoy it? No, but it won't hurt! In fact, I kind of wish I had, while watching it. I may need to if I ever plan to revisit it. HA! HA! 

The movie is pretty cheap, I mean it takes place in two sets pretty much. But, it's short and fast paced, so you won't care. The FX range from the good to the terrible. While, the Evil Bong is silly looking (I doubt it was meant to be truly scary), it's biggest fail is that while her eyes move, her lips really don't. Maybe, she talks telepathically. I don't know. The gore includes some spraying and splattering blood. Those are much better done.
On the skin side of things, neither of two leads, the cute Green or the gorgeous Robin Sydney (left) get naked, but they do look great. The nameless strippers do get naked and show their tits, though. One of them is MTV Rock of Love chick Brandi Cunningham (above). I greatly prefer the two brunette strippers to her. But, you might disagree.
Speaking of the cast, there are some AWESOME cameos. Included are other Full Moon characters that appear in the stripper scenes like the Gingerbread Man and one of the Demonic Toys. Actually, on a side note I recently revisited that flick and man did it suck. I have no clue why I liked it as a kid. This flick is much better. Anyway, also in it are appearances by: Tim Thomerson, Bill Mosley, and Tommy Chong. They are all pretty fucking cool, but I like Chong's the most!
The rest of the cast is OK. They what they can with the script and seem to be having fun. It's the best Full Moon movie I seen in ages and despite it's many flaws, that include an ending I saw coming a mile away. Well, at least one of the things that happen in the ending. But, that fits the feel of the movie, so even this is not a full blown complaint. If your a stoner horror fan, I say light a motherfucker up and enjoy this one!

**1/2 out of ****

6/27/2012

THE LOVED ONES

Title: The Loved Ones
Director/ Writer: Sean Byrne
Cast: Xavier Samuel, Robin McLeavy, Vicotoria Thaine, Jessica McNamee, Richard Wilson, John Brumpton
Date: 2009 (but finally released in US in 2012)
Min: 84

Brent (Xavier Samuel), the handsome metalhead, was involved in an accident that caused his father's death a year earlier. He lives with that regret. But, now he is a high school senior and is ready to take his pretty girlfriend, Holly (Victoria Thaine), to the prom. When cute Lola (Robin McLeavy) asks him out to the prom; he rejects her. He is too soon regret, this. While, listening to music and chilling with his dog, he gets kidnapped by her insane Daddy (John Brumpton). He is tied to a chair and forced to be her prom date where he endures such tortures as being forced to pee, having salt thrown on his fresh wounds, getting knives hammer into his feet, and more. Inter-cut between all of this is his friend Jamie (Richard Wilson) going on his prom with breathtaking goth beauty Mia (Jessica McNamee), who we discover more about as the movie progresses, as well as Brent's mom and girlfriend, who try desperately to find out what has happened to him. All this time Brent has to with stand the horrid torture he is recieveing, but how long can he last?

Made in 2009, but only now getting a release here in the US, this amazing Australian horror film is destined to be a future classic. It has been getting a lot of praise, all of which it deserves, as it is the single best horror film to come out of the country ever, and the best movie to come from Down Under since The Road Warrior. Byrne has crafted a funny, nasty, sometimes disturbing, and pretty much always intense teen horror flick, that is best described as Pretty in Pink meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There is a great sense of dark humor that makes the movie quite funny, ranking it as one of the best black comedies out there. That said, it also is nail-bitingly suspenseful. The gore and violence is hard and vicious, cutting between what you see and what you don't see. Excellent gore effects keep this out of the safe zone, at all times. And, I was, quite honestly, on the edge of my seat when the climax finally hit.  
Much of this is not just due to credit of the excellent script and directing, but the acting, as well. Without such fine performances this one would have fallen apart. Samuel is a likable and strong protagonist. You cheer for him and are always on his side. Besides, he's a metalhead! It's always great to see a headbanger play the hero! McNamee is a goddess! I was seriously in love with her in this movie. She smokes pot, drinks, headbangs, and is both sexy and sympathetic. She is my new horror crush! A stunning beauty that looks like the hotter offspring of Angelina Jolie and Liv Tyler, she actually a big star in her native country. Brumpton is positively terrifying as a Daddy, a man who would do anything for his princess. But, it's the cute McLeavy that is the movie's standout. She is both cute and completely bat-shit crazy. Even if you crush on her at first, you will be cheering for her death, as the movie progresses, trust me. This is just such proof of the excellent quality that the movie has.
Those of you looking for some skin, will be happy, too. Thaine gets topless. McNamee also gets topless, but sadly covers the goods. That said she gives the movie's sexiest performance. You will be in love, trust me! McLeavy appears in bra and panties, so we get a little bit of skin from each of the movie's three females leads. But, it should be noted that when we see McLeavy in said state of semi-undress her dad is looking at her in a moment that will add to the disturbing aspect of this masterpiece.

Unquestionably, one of the year's best horror films, The Loved Ones, is a movie you need to see. I haven't been able to stop talking or thinking about this one, since I viewed it yesterday. And, the more, I do think about it, the more I like it. There are lots of suprises throughout the film, but I don't wanna ruin them for you. Just see it as soon, as you are able to!!


**** out of ****

6/25/2012

The Hottest Babes at the Mermaid Parade 2012

This past Saturday was the Mermaid Parade. It takes place in Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York. It began in 1983 and celebrates the beginning of summer, hence why it tends to take place in first Sat. that is closest to the start of the summer. People march in crazy and many times sexy outfits of mermaids and other sea inspired characters and looks. I had known about this parade for years but never went, until this last one. I'm glad I did. I figured I would share pics I took of the of the most beautiful women at the parade here. Enjoy!
 One of my personal favorites girls at the parade. Such a cutie!
 One of the most popular girls at the parade, there were lots of photographers snapping pics of this beauty. Not shocking at all, of course, considering how beautiful she is!
 This babe might have had the best butt at the parade!
 My absolute favorite babe at the parade. She's gorgeous!!!!!!
  
Uh, hail Satan! LOL!
 
 The mermaid and her dolphin. Sounds like a Disney movie!
 

 Peanut-butter and Jellyfish! To me, this was most definitely one of the coolest and most original costumes at the parade. That they are basically topless is nice, too!
 Dear God, this girl is hot!!!!!
 Cute babe hands out beads. Always a win!
 Hottie on a stripper pole, another thing that is always a win!
 Dear Captain hottie, can I join the crew of your boat?
 The one in the green one-piece is Miz, a model whom I have shot before for this blog.
 
 
 
To all the pretty girls out there reading this, showing your boobies, even when they are covered by pasties, is always a good way to end up this blog!

If you have never been to the Mermaid Parade and are in the east-coast area, I suggest you come out to the one next year. And, say hi to me if you see, cause I will most definitely be back! 

6/24/2012

Wish She Had Done More Porn: Koral Pineda

Today I'm actually gonna go pretty obscure and pick a shapely beauty only the most dedicated of Latina lovers or porn watchers who understand Spanish will know of: Koral Pineda. In fact finding pics of her for this post was pretty damn hard, so many of these, but not all, screen shots come courtesy of Adult DVD Empire.

Koral began her career in 2000, then known as Coral. She is of Mexican decent and resides in Texas. This tall babe has a very impressive body, that's curvy and voluptuous. While, she's in some big-girl movies, she's far from fat, instead she's thick and tasty. She has some amazing legs, an ass that I would kill for, delicious tits, straight hair (sometimes short, sometimes long, sometimes brunette, sometimes blonde always sexy looking), and pretty face with kissable lips. I also like her pussy cause it always has a little bit of bush. Yum! 
Her earliest work came in the form of Spanish speaking porn for Amor Films. The first one, I ever saw was in the masturbation movie Solo Latinas 8. This out of print VHS had some very pretty Latin babes (including a young Alexis Amor). But, I think it's the scene with Coral that is the sexiest. She a great dirty talker, albeit in Spanish (which makes it hotter, in my book, honestly), and knows how to play up to the camera. She also knows how to make some really sexy faces while fingering her hot snatch. You can also find her in a very HOT scene in Sexo Latino 10. Her car breaks down and a guy helps her. She then fucks him. Good stuff especially hearing her talk in Spanish!

After seeing the aforementioned Solo Latinas 8 (I wouldn't see Sexo Latina 10 till years later), I decided to look for more of her stuff. I found an admit ably crappy compilation of Latina porn, called La Puta Del Barrio (The Whore from the Neighborhood). Most of the scenes in this comp were lame, but her scene, the first one (she's also on the cover, BTW) is nice!! She has in blonde hair in it. It's another solo scene where she once again talks dirty to camera, in Spanish, of course. Her big ass and sexy legs looks great in this one!! She just kills in the outfit that she wears, though not for very long.

Thank fully she also did so some stuff in English, in a scene that you can find in both Panochitas Gorditas 5: Chunky Latinas and Latin Mature Women 4 (from Channel 69) she walks around in a HOT outfit, then gets fucked. Again, her ass and legs look AMAZING here!!! The beginning tease is hot, as is the facial. The fucking is quite good, too. It's a long time personal fav scene of mine, that certified her my mind and in my pants!!!
She did a few more videos, including at least two for the Borgas Brothers. It was around this time that she went from Coral to being called Koral or Koral Pineda (perhaps to avoid confusion with late 90s porn babe Coral Sands? Who the hell knows). The best of them is easily Big Boob Bangeroo 16, where she gets banged by two dudes. She again looks great and is very sexy. An energetic fucking is the icing on the cake. She can also be found in Lil Latin Plump Humpers, though her scene in that is kind of weak. Much better is the Dorain Grant scene in that, but I promise to write something on Ms. Grant sometime in the near future!
A much better scene can be found in Gorditas where she again has blonde hair. She is frigging herself off to a smut rag and gets banged by two dudes. I think this might be my third fav scene of hers, or maybe even second. Hard to choose really. But, I can say I enjoy revisiting it. Bonus! Despite the title of the movie, the Latinas in this DVD are actually really sexy and not fat, nasty chicks. They are curvy and  pretty, which makes it a better buy, than some of the other movies, that she is found in.
I'm guessing after these scenes she retired. A shame really. If you like curvy and slutty Latinas I suggest you go look for this leggy babe. There isn't a ton of stuff out there, but I think with this write-up you'll know where to and to look for. Hope, I've helped you discover una mamacita you'll wanna spank your monkey too mucho times. Ariba el porno!!

6/19/2012

Music Mix: The Official Soundtrack to an Ass Whooping II: The Revenge

It's been too long since I gave you guys a new music mix. In preparing for my return to seeing WSU women's wrestling live (which I talked a little about here: http://themastergio.blogspot.com/2012/06/what-i-master-have-been-up-to.html), I made a new one. This one is filled with all the pissed off music to beat someone's ass to. Or to, at the very least, let out some steam. Lots of thrash metal, hardcore, metalcore, and more. Plus, I choose an old school ECW pic, of Sabu and Terry Funk wrestling in REAL barb wire, as the cover (it's above) to drive the point home. 

You can get prepared to stomp a mud-hole in someone's behind by downloading my mix here:  http://www.4shared.com/zip/ATSEDbYa/Soundtrack_to_an_Ass_Whooping_.html

6/18/2012

What I, the Master, Have been Up to

Since the last weekend of May, I've had a pretty eventful and fun time. After an admit ably mostly shitty month of May, my birthday came and things, for the most part, just took an upward trend. I ended the month with my annual birthday celebration at Duffs. Every year these seem to get more and more awesome, and this year was no exception. We actually began the party a little Asian food place in my neighborhood. Where I did three shots of saki. At Duffs, I ended up doing ten beers (at least!) and three shots of Jameson (mmm, Jameson!), so needless to say I was gone! But, it was so awesome a time!! That lead into hanging with my bros on Sunday afternoon and night and Monday morning. The end result? THE best b-day weekend for me, EVER!!!! By the way, I say this every time I write about Duffs, but you need to get your ass to this bar!! No true fan of metal should live their life without ever having been to the world famous DUFFS!!!!!!

Two weekends later I was in Jersey, for Anime Next. Now, I have to say the fact that they charge 45 bucks to get in is fuckin ludicrous! I did have a good time, but it was cause I hung with my bros, Baldwin and Alan. That and I got to photograph lots of cosplayers, including a few hotties. Here are some examples:




Still my fav pic taken that day was this one. I was wearing my Cobra insignia tee, and when I saw these two beauties I thought it would be perfect, if I got a pic of them arresting me. So there you go, being in a terrorist organization determined to rule the world will get you arrested by hot female cops in Jersey. Doesn't sound that bad to me! It was taken, by the way, by my good friend and great photographer, NegativePop. He's done lots of great pics for my blog, like Exxxotica NJ, so be sure to check out his FB fanpage and like him!

 Finally this past weekend, I went to WSU wrestling in Long Island. Now, I ain't been to one of their shows since last year. It was great fun, with some very solid matches. To me, match of the night was Lufsito vs. Leva Bates. Bates is cute as hell, and she always does cosplay. This time she was dressed as the Black Widow! Hot! The main event where the hot Jessica Havok defended her title against the caliente Mercedes Martinez was a casket match and had a couple of nasty spots.

The following pics are girls I met at the show.
 I been a fan of Annie Social for years. So awesome to finally meet her!!
 
 This was my first time hearing about or seeing the beautiful Kimber Lee, but I'm a fan of now!! She's a good wrestler and so cute! I think I maybe in love!
Post show pic of the awesome and cute as hell Leva Bates!
 
My fav girl on the roster: Allysin Kaye!
The best faction (and hottest, too!) in all of wrestling, right now: the Midwest Militia (the red head is Sassy Stephanie and the one in the middle is world champ Jessicka Havok, BTW)! They are badass!!!

Yup, so far this month, and every weekend in it, has kicked fucking ass for me!