10/30/2008

Spotlight on: HALLOWEEN



Tomorrow is Halloween and I figured it was time to take a look at the Halloween film series. So here are mini-reviews of all the films. All reviews out of 4 stars. Enjoy!

- John Carpenter's tale of three babysitters being terrorized by maniac, Michael Myers, who has escaped the psycho-ward after being locked up, for killing his sis, when he was a child. Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance) tries to stop him.
Simple enough plot, but the movie is flawlessly made. Scary and suspenseful and extremely influential on the genre. A classic, I hope you seen this one, by now! ****

- Continuing where the first one left off, this one has Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) going to the hospital, where Michael follows her and kills those who get in his way.
Uneven pacing really hurts this one. The gore is upped, but little more is added. The climax is suspenseful, but to get there is kind of hard to stay awake. Not bad, but far from good. **

- A bunch of masks combined with annoying song makes kid's heads have snakes and bugs crawl out of them and die.
This movie has zero to do with series and is sometimes dissed by fans because of it. But guess what? Even taken as it's own film, it is pretty bad. The over-the-top villain, annoying song, stupid plot, and overall silliness makes this one very much a not need to see. On the bright side, there is some decent gore and Tom Atkins is a great hero. And, guess what? There are far WORSE entries in the series! *1/2

- Michael awakens from a coma and goes after his niece, Jamie (Daniele Harris), who is the daughter of the now dead Laurie. Loomis is hot on his trail.
Well made slasher is by far the best sequel in the series. Suspenseful, well directed, and with tight acting from Harris, Pleasance, and Ellie Cornell. The ingenuous kill of busty and beautiful Kathleen Kinmont via shotgun impalement is a series highlight. Unlike, the tongue-in-cheek Friday the 13th series, this series takes itself serious, and it shows, in a good way, in this fine slasher film. Highly recommended. ***

- A year later Jamie is a hospital after having stabbed her adopted mom. Uncle Michael is back, though, and now, Jamie has a psychic connection to him.
I don't think this movie is bad just uneven. On one side, the movie is stylishly shot and has a great use of shadows. Harris' performance is great, and the mean-spirited climax where in Myers chases her, gives the movie a rough edge. On the other hand, the characters suck ass. Cornell's character gets killed, and we have to put up with the WORST girl in slasher history in Tina, who is not even that hot. The blonde babe in the devil costume is hot, and we do get to see her tits. But, her boyfriend keeps wearing a Michael mask, in a played out and stupid joke. Oh, and the ending just plain blows. **

- Jamie. now an adult, escapes a cult led, by the man who broke Michael out of jail. She gets killed but her child is taken to safety by Loomis, who is after Myers. Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd), the kid form the original, is obsessed with finding the truth about Myers. And, the Strode family is trying to sell the old Myers house Secrets are soon revealed about Michael...
This entry is not a bad film, but did we really need to know all this about Michael? Still, Rudd does pull in a good performance and there are a few stylish shots. The movie lets the gore fly high, with an exploding head and a thrilling slaughter in the hospital room. But, the ending is terrible, and the movie makes little sense. There is a superior producer's cut, but alas it can only be seen on bootleg. It cuts back on the gore, but makes much more sense, and is a solid movie. Sadly, that ending sucks, too. Still, if you can see the producer's cut, go for it. But, either way I like this entry.
Theatrical cut- **1/2
Producer's cut- ***

- Ignoring parts 4-6 (why?!), this Scream wanna-be entry has Michael confronting sis Laurie, twenty years later.
A bigger budget and a bunch of TV kids get added, but do little to save this one. Josh Harnet is terrible, and quite frankly I could give a shit about anyone, other than Laurie, in the film. Plus, Jodi Lynn O'Keefe does not even get nude. She does die violently, and Laurie's battle with Myers at the end is OK. But, there is a lot of lame shit to wade through to get there. *1/2

- Myers did not die! You see he put his mask on some loser, and he got his head lopped off, instead at the end of the last one. Anyways, Michael finds and kills Lauire, then offs a bunch of annoying people shooting a webcast at his home. Hey, that would piss me off, too. Unless, the show was made by Playboy TV!
Terrible, terrible film has little to no redeeming qualities. There is no suspense, the acting is terrible, the movie is uninvolving, and filled with a bunch of people who need to die. Why is Tyra Banks in this? At least she dies, but then Busta Ryhmes disses good-old Mickey who does NOT kill him? Huh? Since when was he such a goddamn pussy?! A cool decapitation and some tits, keep this from getting a zero, but by the time you get to the end, you might wanna throw a pumpkin bomb at this filth. Fuck this movie! 1/2 a star

- Rob Zombie's remake explores Myer's origin, as we see him as a disturbed child in the funny-farm, after killing his mom's boyfriend, his hottie siste, and her boyfriend, while under Loomis' (Malcom McDowell) care. As an adult he escapes and goes off to find his sister, Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) and off her pretty friends.
The best of the recent wave of remakes, this a more brutal and violent take on the series and on Myers. While, the director's cut (the version on DVD) changes the escape scene, what it adds is really good and makes this movie even better. The acting is strong and the climax suspenseful. The humanizing of Myers is interesting and overall this one show that the genre is in good hands in Zombie. Plus, we get to see to see Danielle Harris' tits. Zombie should get props for that alone! In all seriousness, though, this is the best slasher film since High Tension, and the second best entry in the series. ****

BONUS REVIEW- The excellent docu Halloween: 25 Years of Terror.

Anyways, have a safe and happy Halloween!


10/28/2008

The Top 10 Horror Films from 2000-Present

The present decade has already seen few trends. None, have been more annoying than the remake trend, studios pillage horror films form the 70s and 80s to remake. The quality has varied from great (Rob Zombie's Halloween) to piss poor (The Fog). Meanwhile, Italian horror is mostly dead. Thankfully, Asia, and now France as well, has been providing us with a huge catalogue of horror. The French are really giving us new levels of brutal violence with films like Irreversible and High Tension. Meanwhile, Japan, Korea, and Thailand, are all giving horror fans some of the best work, the genre has seen. Sure, some is crap, but that is to be expected. Unfortunately the other trend is US remaking them, again with varied results. Many of these fall under the annoying PG-13 trend, films made to pull in a younger audience. But, then the trend of so called "torture porn" came, thanks to the huge success of films like Saw and Hostel. Controversy also came with films like Captivity, and the subgenre's own propensity for graphic images. This, then brings us to the present, and my final list.

10. - Based on Jack Ketchum's controversial bestseller, this is not a horror film in the regular sense, but rather in the horrific atrocity sense. It is a searing and horrific film, that is often hard to watch. I felt beaten and mentally raped by the time it was done and was just in tears. Truly it shows humanity at it's worst. A brutal film, yet, with no exploitative content.

9. - One of the best slashers in many a moon came from France. This gory and exciting film, has become a fan fav. Too bad it's director is now the remake guy, as he has done The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors, and the upcoming Piranha. Oh, well...

8. - Awesome mix of horror, action, romance, martial arts, and period drama. The monster attacks are gory and exciting, the action ass kicking, and the babes hot as hell. Witness, the wonders of Monica Belluci's breasts! This French masterpiece is one of the best Euro-horror movies in the last few years.

7. - It's cool to see so many movies wanting to bring back the brutal violence of the 70s, but Rob Zombie's sequel to his highly enjoyable House of 1000 Corpses is the one to do it best. Vicious, gory, and totally bad ass, it is not the typical studio release. The cast is great, with awesome villains and an amazing anti-hero in William Forsythe. His torture of the villains, really makes you want to cheer for him, but question his acts, too. A masterpiece.

6. - My favorite Takashi Miike film, this dark comedy is a greatest hits package of offensive material: pissing, necrophilia, shit, lactating mother, incest, hot Japanese school girl hooker, son beating up mom, etc. This movie is just fucked up and shows why Miike is the fucking man!

5. - One of the finest Stephen King adaptations ever, this one was over looked at the box office, but seems to now be getting it's much deserved props. Wonderfully acted, suspenseful, and with one of the best endings, I have seen in ages, this one will hopefully be seen as a classic in the future.

4. - One of the scariest films in recent memory this Korean masterpiece of terror totally captures you in it's web. The acting and writing is phenomenal, as the film unfolds more and more as it goes along. A shame that it is being remade into The Uninvited; a film that is sure to be utter filth.

3. - Brutal, vicious, nerve shredding, intense, suspenseful, ultra-violent are just a few words to describe this French splatter film. Many times my jaw dropped watching this film, and by the end of it, I knew I had seen a film destined to be called classic!

2. - While not a horror film in the truest sense, this Japanese classic has a HUGE fan following in the horror and cult world, and is extremely shocking and violent. Hugely controversial in a post-Columbine world, it is still not distributed in the US. But, it is a film that needs to be seen by all horror fans. The movie moves at a quick pace, is smart, and the graphic gore provided by teens on teens, makes this a film that will never air at your local high school.

1. - This kick ass, gory, and suspenseful monster film from England is perfect. A beautiful female cast battle scary looking monsters, in this adrenalinized and nail-biting movie that is already being called a classic by some. And, rightfully so. I fucking love this movie! It's director, Niel Marshall, is the future of horror!


10/23/2008

Interview with Audrey Bitoni



My interview with the beautiful Audrey Bitoni is up on the Gorezone. It's under the date of Oct. 23, 2008. As always, if you don't see it on the main page (cause you are reading this too late), it will be in the archives. Read and enjoy!


10/21/2008

The Top 10 Horror Films of the 90's

The 90s presented a change in horror. With the success of Wes Craven's Scream, a new vision of the slasher film was born. One with an admitted lower amount lower amount of gore, self referential humor, a cast filled with pretty WB stars and, sin of sins, NO nudity. They were big box office hits, and, sort of took the stigma away from the genre. While, a few of these films were actually decent, most were forgettable. But, even the best of those ain't on this list. Big budget horrors were also all the rage with fare like Bram Stoker's Dracula, Silence of the Lambs, etc. This is my least fav era in movies, but it is not without it's own masterpieces.

10. - Shock master Takashi Miike's most famous films is masterful, in it's slow fake out first hour. It seems like a normal, nice relationship movie, that is until the feel of the film changes. And, when it does (and, trust me) you will know that time comes. The acting is phenomenal, with the lovely Ehi Shiina really being the very definition of her role. And, the horrific climax will leave punched, shocked, and gasping for air.

9. - Sam Raimi's jump to big budget films was with this kick-ass mix of superhero action and Gothic horror. The movie is a stylish and ass kicking tribute to comic books and Universal horror flicks. This was the best horror superhero film, until The Crow, that is...

8. - Adopted from the magnificent best seller by Thomas Harris, this big budget horror/ thriller pulled in amazing performances and some very shocking moments. It also gave the genre one of it's best villains in Hannibal Lector, who's a motherfucking cannibal, for crissakes! This was the first, and so far, last horror film to win best picture at the Oscars. It is also has to be the only best actress to ever get hit by cum on her face!

7. - Another great adaptation of a great horror novel, Interview is a sumptuous, beautiful movie. It also happens to have one of Cruise's best performances. That and Winston's make-up FX are outstanding. Cruise bleeding and rotting scene is fucking amazing. Winston is greatly missed.

6. - Quite simply put this is THE scariest movie of the 90s. Beautiful Virgina Madison and Tony Todd have a great chemistry, and the movies has some truly shocking, horrific, and terrifying moments. It is a shame that the sequels lost the focus of this film and this great character and were total pieces of shit.

5. - This jaw droppingly over-the-top mix of extreme gore, humor, and Martial arts is one of the wildest splatter films ever made. Filled with exploding heads, punches through the gut, mutant men, and other crazy shit. A must see for all gorehounds!

4. - Man, this goth classic has it all. Kick ass action, lots of violence, an undead superhero, killer metal music, and a smoking hot Asian girl in Bai Ling. But that's not all. It also has an amazing cast, including a great performance by Brandon Lee, who died tragically during the filming of the movie. Plus it is a hauntingly beautiful movie with some gorgeous, breathtaking, stylish shots and set-pieces, that to this day, define just what the term "goth" is. And, even more so, is the fact that despite the bloody violence, it's a movie that has a lot of heart and power to it. A modern masterpiece.

3. - Peter Jackson may have moved to Hobbit land, but this classic remains the goriest film ever made, with only the enjoyable, but vastly inferior Permutos: Lord of the Living Dead presenting it with a challenge to that crown. Either way this is one of the greatest splatstick films ever. Body bisections, decapitation, hands through mouths, killer intestines, and other wonders abound, but it really shines during the amazing lawn mower zombie massacre, which has to be worshiped by any self respecting gore lover. The zombies making love, the priest that "kicks ass for the Lord", the zombie baby running rampant through the park, the dinner scene... fuck I could go and on, about this one!!!!!!

2. - To me this movie is better than The Silence of the Lambs. In fact this might be the best serial killer film, ever. The leads are so good, and the writing perfect. They all bring the proceedings to life quite well. The movie is dark and somber, with one of the most smashing endings to ever appear in a genre film. While the movie has some very shocking moments, and realistic corpses, it's most horrific scenes, are one hell of a jumps-scare (fans of this movie, you know what I am talking about) and a scene where a man describes how he was forced to kill a hooker with a blade strap-on. Nightmarish!

1. - Both Rodriguez and Tarantino had already proven their love for graphic violence and had attested to their love of horror and exploitation films, so the prospect of them making a horror film, together was an awesome one! And, this adrenalinizied, wild gorefest does not disappoint! Simply put this my fav film of either of them, as well as my fav vampire movie. The dialogue is priceless, the cast is killer, the gore and FX ferocious. But. this mix of heist and vamp movies has so much more to love: hot stripper vampire babes, a cool as hell hero, great soundtrack, and the best dance involving beer and a boa, ever. I flipped out when, I saw this fucker in the theaters, and I still flip out for it!



Interview with Kaylani Lei



Hey, my interview with the lovely Kaylani Lei is finally up on the Gorezone. You can read it here. It will be under the news for Oct. 21, 2008. Those of you reading it too late, will find it in the archives under the same date. Enjoy!


10/18/2008

Random Hotness III: Hotness on Earth

It's been a while since I did one of these, but good things come to those who wait. Besides, I was not feeling that great and had to do something fun, considering I ended up staying in.

I been totally into Asa Akira since I met her at Exxxoctia NY. But there ain't a whole lot on her as she is fairly new to the biz. That said, she is a NY babe (yay!), and I do like her myspace. But more importantly, I found this vid of Nadia Nice interviewing her and them kissing! I greatly approve of it! Plus, I think she may have a thing for Italian guys. Score!



Asa , please marry me!!!!!!!

Speaking of porn stars I had the pleasure of meeting at Exxxotica, Sasha Grey is going to be in a mainstream film! She is to be the lead star in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience. In it, she will play a call girl. Soderbergh is a talented and respected director who made such good, quality films as Traffic and Out of Sight. Plus, she's already been featured in vids for the Smashing Pumpkins and Dave Navarro, as well as small roles in Quit and Smash Cut, a Canadian horror film. Sasha was so fucking cool in person, is a total natural beauty , and yours truly wishes her the best, and hope she succeeds. Oh, and be sure to check out her myspace; it's a really good one!


Man, Adurina Patridge is gorgeous! For those who have no clue who she is, she is, by far, the hottest babe on the ever craptacular MTV "reality (and I use that term loosely) show" The Hills. Now, before you have some kanipfit over me mentioning this show, let me clear this:

I do NOT and will NEVER watch this crap, but I would be a fool or have no taste in women, not to admit how hot she is. Audrina has a smoking HOT body, beautiful eyes, nice rack, and, she seems like she might be a pretty nice person. Ms. Partridge is featured in this month's Maxim (I ain't got the issue in the mail yet, sadly), and the pics I seen are SWEET! Plus, she is starring in the remake to House on Sorority Row . Now, I never seen the original (but I do plan to), but the remake has potential. It was shot with an R-rating in mind, and not only does it have Audrina, but it has another fav of this blog: Jamie Chung!!!!! Damn! That's twice the babeness! While, I doubt there will be hot girl-on-girl love between them (but hey, a guy can dream, right?), their combined presence, should be worth the price of admittance alone!


Finally, one of my fav shows on TV has to be Manswers on Spike TV. It always has the important type of answers I need in my life! And, well the most recent episode had an answer which combined three of the greatest Bs, ever: beer, boobs, and babes!

Beer it seems, makes a babe's boobs bigger, or at least that is what this says:



Maybe, that's why this cutie has these HUGE beer glasses!